he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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