So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i now understand why vodka
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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