Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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