My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
