He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
