I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
