So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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