I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
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I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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In other news, I just burned my penis
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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