She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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