He had one of those small greek statue penises
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
