Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
