i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
