so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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