I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
