Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
