one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
