i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
