I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
