i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
