it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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