You made me cry and you don't even care
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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