just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
