with your own penis?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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