ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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