cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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