you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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