great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What drink are we having for lunch?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
