She is in my trunk
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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