Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
