After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
