Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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