Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
