I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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