I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
wow bdsm is so cute
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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