His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
