I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
