U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
