a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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