I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
