I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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