I wish you could order shots online.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
