If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
