so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it glows. i had to have it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
