Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
