it hurts more in the daytime
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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