well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
