My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she pinky promised me she was 18
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
