yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
