if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
