I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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