It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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