He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
