apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
