Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize