whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
