sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
