i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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