tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
