I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
