Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
