Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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