well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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