im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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