you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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