Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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