I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
