She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
