I'm jealous of your bromance
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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