I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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