I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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