Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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