I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
