this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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