we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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