I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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