he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
