I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize