That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
