Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
