rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
