Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
