okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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