worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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