I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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