If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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