Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
