Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
