if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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