My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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